What Women Want In Love0
When you consider all the myths about what men and women think the opposite sex wants from a relationship, it’s no wonder so many singles are single and resentful – and frustrated with the opposite sex. And it’s no wonder that people who are in a relationship are often frustrated with their partner.
Men believe women primarily want them for security reasons, and women believe men primarily want them for sex or to be caregivers. This explains why both men and women often feel used in relationship. Neither gender feels valued as a human being, but only for how they can satisfy the needs of the other. Both sexes resent each other and play out this resentment in relationships. Fortunately, most of what each gender believes the other wants is actually not true for the majority of the population.
Many women are secure financially, socially, and emotionally without men. Most women do not look for a man or for a relationship for security reasons, but are instead looking for deep partnership.
Many men look at women as much more than sexual objects or caregivers. It is not that men do not find women attractive or do not want to be nurtured. It is that men want a best friend, a playmate, a partner in their mate.
So what’s going on here? Why does each gender have a skewed view of what the other wants?
The way the sexes view each other dates back to a time when men and women had to worry more about survival, whether economic or physical. Prior to a few generations ago women did need and want men for security. Women depended on men for their and their children’s economic survival and social standing. Men, who were busy providing for and protecting their wives, family, and often parents, did not have room to be emotional. They rightly expected to be taken care of and got their needs for tenderness, love, and affection met through sex.
However, most adults are far beyond survival now, at least in the industrialized world. And yet we still hold onto the beliefs that the opposite sex values us for nothing more than what we could have provided in our more difficult sociological past. To help dispel these dated myths, let’s take a look at what a contemporary woman wants in love and in a relationship.
What Women Want
1. Women want to be adored. Women do not need relationships – they choose to be in a relationship because they want to be part of a couple. Women want the best relationships have to offer, and one of the best things a relationship has to offer is adoring, and being adored by, your partner. To adore someone means you overwhelmingly positively respond to the person. It means you beam when the person comes in to the room, you smile involuntarily when you’re with the person, you feel a rush of emotions you don’t normally feel. This is how women want their men to feel about them.
2. Women want to be wanted and craved sexually. We live in post-sexual revolution era, and women do have a sex drive. Many women want to be wanted and craved sexually by their mate. They want to be the object of desire, the one that turns him on and turns his head. Many women are no longer satisfied to have a man get settled into a relationship and let the fire of passion burn out, or maintain some passion out of obligation. Women want to be the vixens and temptresses; they want to be found irresistible by their man, again and again.
3. Women want to be wanted for their companionship. Women want to be sought out for their company by the man they are in a relationship with. After all, what is the point of being in a relationship if there’s no time spent together? Rather than needing to be with a man, many women are just fine being single and being their own great company. But when in a relationship, women want companionship, and they want the man to want that companionship and seek it out.
4. Women want partnership. Women want a partner in their mate – someone who will shoulder half the responsibility of whatever chore or challenge they are up against. Some women don’t mind the traditional division of roles in the household, while others want a more 50/50 spilt. Most want a man who can flow easily between traditional and non-traditional responsibilities. All women expect men to chip in and do their share.
5. Women want to be heard. Women want to be heard. They do not want to deal with defensiveness from men. They do not want to be shut down, ignored or placated. They simply want to be listened to and responded to in a reasonable manner. Granted, the issues women most want to be heard on are issues that are difficult for men to handle – namely how the men are not “getting it right and how they could do better”. However, this is a strong wish for most women – to simply and completely be heard by their mate.
6. Women want men who can communicate and stay in the conversation. Women want men to communicate. Women specifically want communication about feelings, needs, wants, hopes, dreams, problems, solutions, and all other topics that make a relationship and life work. Women also want communication about expectations and plans. Women would rather put things on the table than sweep them under the rug. Women want men to communicate, listen, and respond – namely they want to have meaningful conversations with their mate.
7. Women want their opinions to be respected. Women want their expertise and opinions, especially the educated ones, to be respected and deferred to. It drives many women crazy when the longer they are in a relationship, the less authority on any given topic they seem to have in their partner’s eyes. Women are used to being recognized in the work world for their expertise, and they are unlikely to settle for much less in intimate relationships.
8. Women want men who are introspective and aware.
Women want men to know their own minds and hearts. They want men who know what makes them happy or sad. They want men who are aware of what they want and understand what motivates their action or inaction. Women want a man who can figure out what’s going on inside of him and take steps to resolve the internal issues. Women want a man who will not blame his feelings or reactions on his woman or pretend he is not having feelings or reactions.
9. Women want men who are committed to the relationship – exclusively and for the long haul.
Women want a partner who will commit to the relationship for the long haul. They want a man who wants fidelity and values it as a cornerstone of building a relationship. Women want men who will stay in the relationship when the going gets tough, and will apply all necessary resources and tools to try to help the relationship work.
10. Women want fun, playful, creative, passionate men.
Women want a man who enjoys what life has to offer. They want a man who knows how to play, who is not afraid to make a fool of himself, who lives his passions. They want a man of creative, intellectual, playful substance.
11. Women want a man who cares deeply about her as well as his needs.
Women want a man who will care deeply about her needs and wants without losing himself in the process. They want a man who can recognize and acknowledge what she wants and address it, a man who can say no or yes, depending on which one is more true to his heart, a man who can give to his relationship and partner without sacrificing himself.
12. Women want financially and professionally responsible men.
Women want a man who knows where he is going career-wise and is on the way to getting there. They want a man who has dreams and is working on making them happen. They want a man who uses the tool of money wisely and knows how to be both frugal and generous. Women want a man who is planning well for his future, so that he will not have to be taken care of by the woman.
Most women know they want all these qualities in a man, even if they don’t admit to it. But most think men such as this are unattainable, that they do not exist or are all taken. If you are one of these women who wants a loving, motivated, passionate, creative man who’s crazy about you, but think you won’t find one, think again.
If there are women around who want men like this, why wouldn’t there be men like this? Are men somehow less-advanced, less-intelligent less-capable of enjoying the best life has to offer?
Nothing can be further from the truth. If you look around as you go about your life, not with an eye toward whom you can get but with an eye for who’s out there, you will start to notice many wonderful men. Notice that many of them are not married or attached. You can have the kind of man that you want, if you believe you can. Allow yourself to notice the wonderful adult men around you. Get clear on what you want in a mate and then go find one of them for yourself!